Truth be told, after both babies arrived it was hard for a few weeks. Maybe a few months, maybe. But you get in a groove, you figure out what works and you don't worry about the rest. My function isn't their function and theirs isn't mine. I can't understand how someone lives in a messy, disorganized house. But hey, it works for them. I think it's crazy when I hear other moms say their husbands don't help around the house or with the kids. But hey, it works for them. I think it's crazy when I talk to a mom who stays home with no car and 3 kids under 3 and loves it. But hey, it works for her. I can't imagine life when I meet a mom who is away from her family for day or weeks at a time for work. But, ...well you get the point.
The point is, there is not a right or wrong way to do life. And specially, be a parent. But seriously, it's taken me the entire time I've been a mother to accept this. Specifically speaking about working. I like to work. I don't feel bad about that. It made sense for me to be home when Charlotte was small but it wasn't my wish. I was great at it, being a part time retail worker, part time Mary Kay lady, and full time mommy. (okay... I've never honestly been unemployed but you get the point) It was an amazing 13 months that I wouldn't trade for anything. Seriously, my kids are awesome. You should hang out with them sometime!
But here and now, I'm not sorry to say, I've loved being at work full time the last few months.
Like honestly, I love it.
I don't count hours and exchange good for bad. Saying I was away from my kids for this many hours today. I count the hours I am with them and use every one of them to its full advantage. Because working, works for me. And more importantly, it works for us. Because honestly, we are a better family when I'm working. I'm a better mother and a better wife. Luis is a better father and husband.
And my kids, they don't know it's mom or dad, because its always been mom and dad.
It's the beautiful truth. I shouldn't feel bad that my kids love being with their dad or in school. Because my son is so me and thrives off other people. Why should I hold that against him or myself. What works for me is my families happiness. If I believed for one second that my children were going to be harmed by my being away, I wouldn't do it. Not now, not ever. Just like when Charlotte was born and working outside the home wasn't the best; we change our course, figure out our new way and make it work for us. It an ebb and flow.
Living in Colombia has taught me a lot of things. A LOT. The biggest thing I've learned to accept is that there is no right or wrong way to do life. The reality is, our ideas and expectations are set by our upbringing, society, religion and culture. Does this make them "right"? I don't know. I'm still a believer in a few moral absolutes. But for the most part I've come to fully accept that I don't make the rules and I'm not sure who does but I'd like to meet them. Maybe they can tell me how to figure it all out.
Actually, wait, I take that back. I don't want to know the rules.
I'm responsible for my decisions to myself, my husband and my children. And of course, god. I don't need to know the rules because hey, rules are meant to be broken. I play by the ones that work for me.-Peace and Grace
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