Sleepless Nights

It is true, every new mother feels the same way, tired! I wish I could bold it so much as to express exactly how exhausted I am. I must say, for the most part, my son is a wonderful baby but he does not sleep very well at night. Some night feedings turn into being up for over an hour and require great amounts of patience to get him back to sleep. And as much as I do not mind caring for him and feeding him at whatever time of day or night, the reality is I am alone all the following day. Luis is wonderful, if he is here. I get an extra hour or so sometimes in the mornings before I have to nurse again. Its great! But mostly, its just me and Nicolas. 


For some reason Nico is sleeping less and less in general; rarely napping in the day longer than an hour. Well, that is unless we are in the car; he loves the car! Sleeping when he sleeps doesn't apply when the kid hardly sleeps. And he would love to go to sleep at 8pm but that just doesn't work when daddy doesn't get home until after 9. Regardless even if the baby goes to sleep I cannot pass up the hour or two I spend with Luis in the evenings for sleep. I thought about it but it just won't work, I like him too much.


So for now, we will have long sleepless nights that turn in to tired snugly mornings. Which are to die for! Although these snugly mornings produce even more tired afternoons, I would not trade them for anything! Nothing! And on these days it does not even (really) bother me that is it almost noon and we are still in our pj's. Because I know, all too soon, I will miss this. I will miss these mornings, so deeply.

(enjoy today because tomorrow is promised to no one)

Like a kid again

This evening a few friends and I went and played soccer, in the loosest sense of the word.  Four of the participants were under the age 11, while myself and another friend just had babies. But nonetheless we ran around, all of us, like (big) kids.


It reminded me that so often while trying to do everything...all the things that really have to get done, I hardly ever slow down and just enjoy life. I'm not talking about the stuff we are supposed to notice; we are all good at pointing out when things are going well. I mean all those little things we miss. The things that catch us off guard when life is so busy we could so easily miss them. And what shame it is to miss these things. 


Enjoy a 5 year old running around his is PJ's unaware of the 100 of people at the park who may find that slightly odd. Enjoy company of friends on a cool fall evening. Enjoy the unity of a sport that crosses boundaries of race and language. Enjoy my fiance' who is the biggest kid I know. 
                Goodness, how much I love that about him. Love. Love Love. 


I am so grateful for this trait in Luis. He is constantly telling me not to take life so seriously; or at least choose wisely as to when life is worth my frustrations. And of course life has a funny way of reminding me of this. Today I was frustrated...with everything! While Luis could not have been acting older than 7. But I don't get mad, I just tell him he is being annoying and move on. 


But he as often as life, reminds me its okay to slow down, smile and enjoy life. As well, even when you have children its okay, if not necessary, to laugh, look like a fool and just be a kid again.

Thanksgiving

First of all, everyone should know if they don't already,
    -when it comes to holidays I've always been a bit of a scrooge.


Growing up holidays always seemed like more stress than they were worth. Somewhere between tournaments, traveling and rushing around to see family, I lost all interest in "holidays". I have always, always said, if you want to spend time with someone DO IT, if you want to buy someone something DO IT! No ones needs a certain day or reason to show someone how much they love them, or at least we shouldn't! I never stopped and wondered if the reason I didn't think there needed to be a reason was because I had always had those wonderful family holidays.


I would like no less than to snuggle up in bed with my boys and do nothing on these paid days off! My fiance' on the other hand has informed me he wants to celebrate holidays in more traditional ways! Ugh, that word! 


That seemed like a burden, at first! Then I stopped and started to evaluate why he or someone else may value the holidays. I never realized that for most people the holidays are the only time they have time to see there family. Although this is sad, it is also true. So once again this year, I threw out an idea I had once had for a new one. One that will involve my (little) family and my traditions. I dressed my family in matching clothes and took a family picture, I baked delicious gluten free brownie bars and I celebrated being able to have all these freedoms!


I hope everyone had a wonderful day, was able to appreciate their friends and family, and maybe (just once) wished they were at home alone ;)

Blessed

Blessed- divinely or supremely favored; fortunate 

What does it mean to be blessed? I find myself feeling "blessed" from time to time. I have one of the moments where I look around at my beautiful home, my healthy son. my loving fiance', my generous family and in that moment I feel, "blessed". These feelings started to arise more after my son was born. Every single time I look at him I see an amazing blessing god has given to me. When I sit and nurse him I find myself staring as my body creates perfect food to nourish his body. I feel incredibly blessed to have someone here to help me take care of him; I am so lucky not to be alone in parenthood. This is blessed, right?

So today, when I stumbled across a blog by a new mother of a son with down syndrome I realized my definition of blessed was not 100 percent correct. Her story had me in tears and my definition of blessed was slipping away. It accumulated when I read her small bio where she refers to her son as having "Designer Genes". Wow! Could she have put it

anymore perfectly? If she doesn't already know it (which she does) she is blessed!

Jesus said,  

   Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

   Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. 

   Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. 

   Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.

In our weakness, our suffering, our struggles and our sorrows god will/is blessing us!

My son, my family, my fiance' - these are all my blessings!  

My son would be no less a blessing if he had been born with a challenge, he would of just made us all stronger, which would be a blessing!