Roll With The Punches

      All in all, things haven’t gone as planned, to put it painlessly. Truth is, I’m actually okay with it. I’m okay with the knowing I tried, I gave it my best shot. Truth is, life is full of experiences just begging to teach us something worth knowing. If we never give life a chance it can’t teach we will miss out on these lessons. These 3 months have been the most challenging in our relationship, our finances, and our family. These 3 months have also afforded me some worthwhile lessons I might have never known otherwise. Here are a few:

1: We actually really like living on 1 room. I know this sounds crazy and I would have agreed had you said this only months ago. This coming from the women who was adamant I would never co-sleep. But truth is, is nice. It's not something that we will have forever, small people in our bed. I don't mind savoring every moment of it.

2: Charlotte loves fruit. This isn't all that exciting except she loves fruit I cant pronounce the names of, much less would have ever brought in the U.S.. I'm fairly certain since moving here she has survived on breast milk and fruit.

3: Being broke sucks. Sorry I'm not sorry, it really does. Everything takes sacrifices and sometimes life happens, but this is not going to be part of the plan ever again. I refuse to settle for thinking I would ever have to live that way.

4: God still rocks in Spanish. I'm a church snob, really I am. I find something wrong with every doctrine, every building, every preacher, every everything. But not having a church to go to made me wish I had dragged myself out of bed many more Sundays while I had the chance. We did go to a Spanish speaking church and although I couldn't understand any of the message (yes of course I still found at least 10 things still wrong with the Church), I was able to sing along to all of the song by recognizing the music.

5: I really am super mom. Well, you know, not really but it sure feels like it. Since we have come here I have had no help (other than Luis) with the kids. Charlotte still doesn't sleep, we live in one room (as mentioned above), there are no parks, no Chuck-E-Cheese, no pools, no friends. Nada. I've had to care for, cook for, entertain, everything.

6: I'm tougher than I thought. We've battled health sickness, home sickness, food sickness, lack of sleep I'm going to lose my mind sickness and fatigue almost to the point of exhaustion. I survived.

    So for now, we roll with the punches, wait for our next step and try really hard to enjoy the ride!

-Peace and Grace

 

 

Worth The Drowning

 

Ever have a day where your whole world feels like its crashing down?

Water is rising up all around you, your reaching for something to hold onto, something to save you.

But you are just reaching, nothing is there.

There is an overwhelming feeling of doom, of loss, or regret…whatever it is that got you there.

You think you won’t make it, you are holding on with your very last hope.

You breathe in, possibly the one that will be your last and it returns a shout from your heart that cries, ‘I give up’.

And then out of nowhere, the water begins to shrink back, all your emotions sailing away with it.

Your feet finally touch bottom and you take a deep breath.

 A breath of relief, to confirm it’s all over.

You look around with new light.

The terrain that seemed too difficult to travel, appears much smoother.

The path is much less dark than you remember.

You have a new confidence, a new hope, possibly determination.

Before you have time to realize all of this your feet are already moving, your treading through the muck of what was and quickly you arrive at the peak.

 A feeling of success washing over you in the same way the water did.

 You look below at the place where you once stood.

As badly as you wish never to go there again, you know, deep inside, if not for the valley you would never enjoy the peak.

You smile a little and nod your head to the valley, as if to say, thank you for the lesson.

 You gather yourself, your move on, as if it never were.

But now, you carry with you a new peace, a peace that was worth the drowning.

 

-Peace and Grace

Happy Wednesday

 There is only news, there is nothing called good or bad news,

 it becomes one only in the way you take it.
-Kung-Fu Panda

 

With that being said, things didn't go as planned, not yet at least. Decisions have to be made about what happens next. Thankfully, all of our immediate needs are met.

In life, everything involves risks. If you not willing to take them you will never experience failures. That's usually a good thing. But then again, you will never experience successes either. That's always a good thing.

 

So today was a day of news, good or bad, I'm not sure yet. I can't lie and say we aren't concerned but I'd be lying to say we are worried. Life has been a roller costar for 3 years, guess we shouldn't be surprised it hasn't ended yet. 

 

I've learned life has a way of giving you something you didn't ask for, didn't think you wanted or needed and it ends up being far better than anything you planned. For this, I am grateful for the many doors god always has open to us.

 

 I enjoyed another long day with my beautiful children. We painted, played soccer and went to the beach. As I sit here on the hammock swaying in the wind, listening to the trees rattle and the ocean waves I can honestly say, there isn't a place in the world I would rather be.

 

Happy Wednesday and 2 months to Colombia!

 

 

My sunshine!

#thisgirl

my everything

 

-Peace and Grace

A whole bunch of nothing

 

All in the same way, there has been a million things going on,

 there has been absolutely nothing going on.

I haven't written because I'm still deciding what I want to say.

 

For now, enjoy a short update and some pictures! :)

 

Incase you were planning to travel with two babies, I highly suggest practicing this!

Coming home for 10 days away to these.

Tropical flowers are my favorite!

The view from our property

 

Awesome daddy wearing Charlie while we went up to see our property.

 
 

Nico was very intrigued by Santa.

 I think this is the first time he saw him.

 

Hiking the mountain on the way to Nico's school field trip

 

Mi vida!

 

#beachbum

 

They cooked and ate the fish they caught.

 

Do you think he was tired after his long day?

 

 

For now, these is not much else to say.

Nico and I finished up the school year and we are on Christmas break for a month!

Can you say awesome!?

Still battling some baby sickness but these kids are troopers.

No new news business wise.

Apparently patience is more than a virtue here, its a way of life.

 

Totally blessed to have an amazing husband and children to do life with.

This sh*t has been crazy!

 

 

And this, this is what Char has to say about it all!

 

I'm right there with you chick!

 

-Peace & Grace

 

Wisdom

Ignorance isn't always intentional.

 

The old aren't always wise.

 

The young aren't always stupid.

 

Wisdom doesn't come with years.

 

Wisdom comes from experience.

 

Usually the worst ones.

 

So don't pray for an easy life.

 

Pray for a life that will make you wise.

 

Because wisdom means you are well lived.

 

-Grace

Raising the future

Every so often there is a heated debate in one of the many parenting type groups I'm apart of on social media.

They usually revolve around things like: what to eat, vaccinations, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, ect.

They are usually heated, obviously.
We are talking about peoples kids here, right?

Today though, I had a lovely discussion with some like-minded mommas about parenting, or rather, a lack there of.

A mom expressed her dislike for expecting children to act certain way
or to do a certain thing.

I was like, preach it!

 

Do I believe sometimes in life we have to do things we don't like, yes.

Do I know there are going to be times I have to make my children sit still or be quite, obviously.

But I'm not talking about those times.

 I'm talking about all the other times.

 

And as far as I'm concerned,

those times are probably limited to a funeral
and well, I'll think of another in a minute... 

 

Something about having multiple children starts to make you question yourself
 more and more.

 I have to say, I got lucky with my first.

He was a fairly easy baby, has been verbally and physically ahead and very rarely makes me stretch myself as a parent.

 Then there was two! And two was feisty!

She's small still but she knows what she wants.

 

Honestly, it drives me crazy! 

Most of the time I find myself thinking,

just go to sleep gosh darnnit.

Or,
seriously I've told you 456 times not to touch that.

 

The best is, 

I get smacked for telling her no or taking away something she can't have.

Ahhhh! Shocker, my child hits me! 

I know what you're thinking,

I probably taught her that.

 Well you're wrong.

 I haven't spanked my children in a year.

 

You see, that's the point.

I didn't have to teach my child to express herself. 

She gets frustrated cause she wants something.

Do you blame her? I don't. 

Do I tell her that we don't hit, of course.

 But am I angry she is upset?

Absolutely not.

 

One of my all time favorite things to do is watch a child work for something they want. Especially when the parents are fighting back.

Awful of me, I know!

 

The thing is, I want my children to understand why I said no or yes.

I want to want to listen because they trust me.

And I want them to challenge me when they don't understand or agree. 

Most importantly, I want them think for themselves.

Do I make allowance to the rules when they are having a
 bad day?
Tired?
Frustrated?
Upset?
Hungry?
Of course.
Aren't you afforded those same allowances?

Children can't wake up on the wrong side of the bed?
I think so.

Here is a battle that has been won in our house recently: 

My children eat everything, like even off the ground, everything.

The last month, they won't touch a vegetable.

Not at all!

I fought them so hard the first week or so,

then I gave up!

Why? Because I'm lazy. 

Well no, but tired. 

I stopped fighting because if I ask my 2 year old if he should eat his veggies

you know what he says?

A loud and clear, yes.

So did I do my job as a parent?
I think so.

 

Now don't go worrying yet,

I know there are something's in life that we all must do,

like eat our veggies.

So I made veggie empanadas
and
I won. 

 

Parenting doesn't say,

make your children obey,

it says,

teach your children what is right.

So everyday will I continue to offer my children

guidance, support, instruction and love?

With my whole heart.

But can I be there with my 2 year old at school and force him to make good choices?

No.

 

Maybe if the world had a few more rebels

and a few less obey-ers

we would be better off. 

Maybe not?

 

But when the time comes for my children to make really hard decisions...

 

If they should take that cigarette.  

Or use drugs with their friends.

To drive or call mom after having too many drinks.

Maybe have unprotected sex or ask for better options.

Maybe its whether to tell me about a pregnancy

or get abortion

because their too scared of what I'll say.

Maybe its the choice to speed in their car.

Or of who to be friends with.

Where and how to educate themselves. 

To ask for help when life gets to be too much or find another way out

To use violence or reason. 

To travel.

To get married.

Or have children of their own.

 

You see,

I'm not parenting to teach my children to eat their veggies

 because 'I said so'.

Or, 'you just have to.'

I hope my children are never, 'just people'.

 

I'm parenting to teach my children how to make the right decision.

To know when to ask for help.

When to say, I'm sorry but I can't.

Or, thanks but no thanks.

I'm parenting my children

to have a voice that speaks up for injustice

because they were allowed to express
when my decisions for them was unjustified.

I'm parenting my children to challenge what they are told.

Question the norm.

Take risks because they know it's okay to fall and to fail.

To love even when they don't feel like it.

 

 You see,

parenting reaches far past these tough decisions we make when they are young.

You are raising the future.

 

What do you want your future to look like?

Like minded followers?

Or free thinking leaders?

 

Peace and Grace

 

  

 

 



  

Playa something

Last Sunday we went to some beach, as every beach is Playa something or another I can't remember the name of. The camera died so I couldn't capture our "survival lesson" fully. Luis caught a little fish, our friend Elkin made a fire, we cooked and ate the fish!

 

 

Some pictures to enjoy! :)

Charlottle was feeding the fish rocks to keep it alive, obviously!

 

 

Everywhere you go a futball goes too ;)

 

 

 

Mi amor. Mi vida!

Perspective

November is a month to celebrate what you are thankful for, it’s great. Really. But sometimes perspective changes and thankful doesn’t seem to be the right word.

Today, I’m thankful for being born in America. Although, I’ll never be one to say I’m proud to be “American”, I am grateful for my first world. My first world allowed me to be truly thankful for the life I have today.

A little perspective for you:

The kitchen lady where we live, she works 2 full time jobs. Like most Colombians. See they can’t go sign up for food stamps, WIC, Medicaid or god knows what else. Nelsy, is her name. She gets up Thursday through Sunday at 6am and works, yes WORKS, until 3am. You do the math. But don’t worry, Monday through Wednesday she gets 5 hours of sleep a night. Remind me again why you’re tired?

One of the security guards, Darwin, he works 6 days a week 7am to 1pm and 5pm to 7am. Do I need to help you with the math there?

And you would like to think they make decent money, so then maybe you could justify your complaints. But no, they make $12.50 US dollars a day for working one full time job. $25.000 Colombian Pesos a day is just above minimum wage. They still can’t pay their bills, own a car, a house, buy new anything and barely put enough food on the table.

Walls and roof are optional in most houses. All most all of the people living here have no running water or electric. Where do they go to the bathroom you ask? I'll spare you the details.

 

I don’t say any of this to make anyone feel bad, honestly. I just hope maybe, just maybe, my perspective might broaden yours. And maybe, the next time you want to complain about some first world problem, you will think about the rest of the world. And if your ever privileged enough to experience the third or fourth world, do it.

Oh and a little more perspective. Colombia is almost always one of the top countries for overall happiness of citizens. Check out the "Happy Planet Index" here. 

Who's got the real problems?

 

 

Happy November.

And the things I am thankful for?

The 2 children that teach me every day that life is not about me and my happiness.

The incredible husband that would do anything for me.

Being from the first world.

All of my family and friends who helped me gain a third world perspective.

Truly understanding what I can live without.

A god that provided all this and more.

You.

 

“Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring troubles of its own.”

Peace and Grace

From Dange to precshool

I haven't wrote. Because truthfully, I couldn't find much good to say. And no one wants to read about other peoples crap. Everyone has enough of their own, right? I'm happy to say there was a light. It wasn't at the end of the tunnel, I'm not sure we are out yet. More on that later!

 

As many of you already know we have been battling some illness. For us that's huge. We are honestly never, ever, ever, like EVER sick. Nico had Dange Fever from the mosquitos. It was pretty scary. Especially because he is a magnet and you can get it over and over. At the same time Charlotte and I had a bug but it didn't last long. Oh and on to top it off, my two babies are getting molars. We have had a week.

 

Businesswise we are still in a holding pattern. You will see this is becoming a trend. I knew Spanish people were late but I was pleasantly surprised to find out they are also slow. Sigh! In the mean time we are building trailers, waiting for licensing and insurance and praying really hard we don't have anymore issues. Well mostly because there is really no more money.

 

I was blessed with the opportunity to interview at a Bilingual school and sub all last week. I've always wanted to teach, so I was thrilled with the opportunity. Luis watched the kids while I went to work. Dad of the year award. I often forget how awesome he is with them because I'm with them most the time. Then I remember I don't ever have to worry. They eat, play, nap, they are dressed and happy! Oh and the laundry was done and the room was clean!

Can you say awesome?

Oh, I also joined a women's soccer league. Lets just say, women's recreational soccer in Taganga is not for the faint of heart. My whole body still hurts. Regardless, I had a blast!

 

After much consideration, we made a really hard decision. Alright, truthfully it wasn't a hard decision in the scheme of decisions but it was hard for me. Luis and I signed Nico up for school on Friday.

I cried.

 Mostly because he is my whole life. One little person changed my whole world and I would do anything for him. I watched him look around,talk to the other kids, play and I realized everyday he is growing away from me. Its a good thing, actually its a great thing. The goal of parenting is to raise confident, happy, well rounded people. I think I'm doing a good job. I know he will always need me but he has needs I can't meet. That's the other reason I cried. I want to give him everything and here, right now, I can't give him what he needs. That was hard. The place is awesome. Its an "alternative" school but we've renamed it "The Hippy School". There are kids of all ages, no structured classes. Something like un-schooling. It's perfect, an answer to prayer.

 

That is our week in review. No complaints.

Perspective changes everything, for more on that, check out the next post!

 

I've been awful about pictures, I know!

Some of these are from last week but enjoy!

 

Taganga sunset

 

Heart shaped beach for the day

 

 

 

 

Coconut farm

Naked Nico at the farm

Jelly yet? ;)

 

Peace and Grace 

 

 

 

i could tell you ...

We have been in Taganga over a week now. I've sat down to write so many times, I know people are waiting. Waiting to hear what we are doing, where we are living, what we are seeing, feeling. I know. Truth is, its been a long week, a very long week. I knew it was going to be hard. I didn't know it was going to be really hard. I've been wanting to write, I have, but I can't put my finger on what to write.

I could tell you about the rain, how much of it there has been. How gross the beach is from the rain. How there is no hot water, not for a shower or to wash cloths. How the rain makes the air wet and my cloths take forever to dry because, yeah you guessed it, there are no dryers. There is barely a washer. I could tell you how I ate corn arepas for 3 meals yesterday. Oh by the way, I don't eat corn. Well I should say, I didn't eat corn. I could tell you its been harder on Luis and I than I imagined. Not on me or him but on us. I could tell you how our stuff is still sitting in the container at the port because we failed to plan. Failing as in we didn't know we had to pay a ridiculously high tax to bring our things in. The difference between 10% and 26% is a lot, a lot when you're talking about thousands of dollars. I could tell you about how badly I want out things. Or what I would do right now for a highchair or food, any food that's not corn. I could tell you how we are living in 1 room again only this room has the tiniest little bathroom and no closet. I could tell you its hot, like really hot and how we sweat all the time. I could tell you how home sick I am. Not for food or culture but for people, for comfort.

I could tell you about all those things but I wouldn't want to bore you.

What I will tell you about is how much Spanish Nico is speaking in just 1 week. Not instructed Spanish but speaking on his own, knowing what to say when and how to say it. I will tell you about how grateful I am that we have a washer right by our room and don't have to send our cloths out with the high possibility of not coming back. I will tell you that the rain will pass soon and it leaves behind a refreshed beach. Clean, ready for business, for the high season. I will tell you the rain makes the nights cool enough to sit outside and listen to the ocean. I will tell you how happy I am they cook everything in oil and I haven't had a single dairy or gluten issue. I will tell you that in Colombia its law to label gluten. Ah happy day! No reading every Spanish label wondering if I'm about to get sick. It's right there is big bold letters, "contiene gluten". I will tell you that we found a store that sells gluten free pasta, cookies and carries rice milk. Okay, yeah its still corn but could be worse. I will tell you this again, this makes me so happy! I will tell we were blessed with some help to get our things. I will tell you the business looks promising and that we will be up and running, ready for the tourist season. I will tell you how I met multiple contacts for a teaching job. I will tell you about the homeopathic doctor I was connected with and how she tests and treats food allergies. I will tell you they have soccer leagues here in town for women. I will tell you about the beautiful farm we went to yesterday. A coconut farm on the beach in the rainforest. I will tell you how cool it was to swim in the river, looking up at the mountains and out at the ocean.

I will tell you all these things because these things are what matter.

 

Negative thinking only does one things, breads more negativity. And I don't have time for that. Truth is, this place needs even bigger prayer than I thought. That's okay. I've got nothing but time and a really big god on my side.

 

I'm not sure this is the first post you were expecting to see but its all I've got right now. Thanks for reading. And thank you for your prayers.

 

Peace & Grace







Nicolas Tomas

I want to tell you that I loved you even before I knew you,

 but I can't,

 because I didn't.

You see, you were not supposed to be apart of my carefully crafted plans.

The ones where I could be free.

There was no story for you and me.

 But god had other plans.

 In that time, I was learning that god very often has other plans.

So I trusted.

I remember feeling like I wouldn't ever actually carry you home.

As if some magical thing would happen and you weren't really mine.

  Like I might actually be able to be free.

 

But it didn't.

You very patiently came into this world.

 Way too small, I swore you weren't ready.

But you were.

We struggled in the beginning, you and me.

You wouldn't eat, gain weight or be the right color.

I was tired.

I took care of you, I cared for you, but I don't know I loved you.

Not yet at least.

 

 Every day, one by one, you made me fall more and more in love with you.

I could never love another like I love you.

You and me, we got healthy together. We got happy together.

Your laugh fills a room and your smile captures audiences.

You ask me if I'm okay when I sneeze and kiss my boo-boos.

 You love your baby Char.

You are kind, compassionate, passionate, fierce, a voice, a fighter.

You and me, we're a lot alike.

Everyday I want to know you better, listen to you, see you.

 

I pray for you.

You heart.

Your eyes.

Your ears.

Your path.

Your purpose.

Your faith.

Your hope.

Your love.

For more of you and me.

I'm not sorry I didn't love you then,

 because I know what not loving you is like,

and it makes me love you a hundred times more now.

You restored my hope, my faith, my peace, my purpose.

You are my light.

 

I couldn't have crafted a more perfect story.

I'll never stop loving you, as long as I live.

You could never change my love for you,

nothing you can ever do,

will make me stop loving you.

 

Thank you for the best 2 years of my life.

There's never going to be enough time for you and me.

 

Happy 2nd Birthday my perfect prince!

I love you!



 

 

 

 

 

 

Medellin On My Mind

Friday, October 11th will stand out in my mind for the rest of my life. October seems to get me every time. The last few days before we left, I wondered what it would feel like to actually get on the plane. Not specific emotions but literally- what would it feel like? What does leaving everything you have ever known, everyone you love, your way of life and heading to a completely new place feel like?

The truth is I felt nothing. Too many conflicting emotions to feel much of anything. Does it scare me I wasn't more excited- no. Does it make me feel guilty I was excited to move away from everything- no. I'm not sure it has hit me yet, that this is real. We are really doing this. Right now I feel like taking it all slow, taking it all in. I have so much to learn.

The day we arrived the Colombian National soccer team was playing against Chili in a World Cup qualifier match. In the US, this doesn't mean much of anything to anyone unless you love soccer. Colombia needed at least a tie to clinch a spot in the 2014 Cup in Brazil. It was like something I've seen in a movie before. There were 7 of us (at least) sitting around a little TV in a tiny apartment bedroom watching anxiously as Colombia was down 3-0 to start the second half. Although I'm never an unbiased sports watcher, Colombia had more than a few calls go their way. The result? Fire works for hours, cars honking, people cheering so loudly we heard them 10 stories up and a country so excited to be going to the world stage. I can honestly say I have only ever seen Americans as passionate about negative events. Americans seem to come together when things go wrong. But this, this was different. This was really cool. So I couldn't help but feel privileged to be apart of something so very cool. Fireworks and all.

When we landed we stayed in Medellin for 2 days with Luis' cousin. I've wanted to visit since Entourage sparked my curiosity about the city and the role it has played in so much history. Well I was not disappointed. Not. At. All. I found out Medellin was named the 2013 Most Innovative City in the World, cool huh? And you ask what there is to do in Colombia? The city is nested in a beautiful lush valley surrounded by fields of flowers and filled with birds making beautiful music. Here is my stab at 3 reasons you should love Medellin without being too specific:

1: The malls. Malls, yes malls. I was impressed. They will amazing. The first had a huge 4 story center sliding roof that opens so the fountains could do a show certain times of day. The second had 3 different amusement type parks on the inside (zip lining included). Both obviously filled with beautiful stores and restaurants. 2: The weather is perfect (in my opinion). When we woke at 6am in was in the low 60's, by lunch it reaches the mid 70's, followed by an afternoon shower which cools the evening and night off right again. No need for A/C. We even needed a jacket at lunch, rough right? 3: The first morning we woke to a Saturday Organic Market right outside our window. Lucky, yes but still awesome! The streets are busy but not only with cars but bikers, walkers, dogs and families. It like a mini NY city full of sophistication, culture, originality and life. So if life presents you with the opportunity to visit Medellin or any of Colombia, I hope you take it. I hope you won't be disappointed, I wasn't!

I imagine from reading this post you'd think I was in denial about moving, as if I feel like I'm on vacation, but I don't. I'm typically not one at a loss for words or unable to explain my feelings. All this feels like whatever it is right now and that's okay. I'm not going to try to figure it out. Today, just today (or for a while), I'll just take it all in.

Tonight we arrived in Santa Marta ... post coming soon!

Peace & Grace

Relationship

I've often wondered if its part of life's purpose for me. Maybe its a "something in the making" type of thing. It seems I have trouble staying in one place too long. Yes I grew up and lived in West Palm for most of my life. Yet within that time I bounced around between groups of friends, boy friends, sports teams, three churches, mission trips, hockey teams, home school and high school. Ah then there was three colleges, St Louis, so many dates I lost count, Luis, graduate school, moving to Port St Lucie, two more churches, four different work positions, two children and just now finally starting to make this place feel like home. 

Do I enjoy change? 

Yes.

 Am I totally exhausted from the change the last 5 years? 

Defiantly. 

I have never in my life been so ready to slow down. To settle in just a little. To maybe paint the walls a color I like. To feel familiar, comfortable. I'm ready to grow my family by one or two or three. Maybe be able to get a job or volunteer somewhere. 

I had an awesome outing with a bunch of my friends before my wedding and one of my newer friends said to me, "All of your friends are so different". And I thought, that's because I have met them so many different places and at so many different places in my life. It proves a few things, the most important is that I'm blessed. Not many people have friends that have been around so long, that have stuck through all this with me. I'm also blessed to have new friends who haven't given up on me even though they know our time is short. Maybe this is why I have moved so much, why I haven't been put too long. 

Maybe god doesn't put people in my life cause I need them but maybe they need me. No, I'm not conceded and no I'm not special. I just don't know why life has made it so hard for me to stay put, to stay close. I always knew it would be best to keep a distance, it was easier than getting hurt. I learned this a long time ago. The truth is I suck at it. I get close to people easily. People confide in me, not because I'm special, but because they see trust in me. I thank god for that. I love my friends, their families, their children very deeply. I can honestly say there isn't much I wouldn't do for a friend in need.

The thing is, I'm an open book. Nothing is off limits. If I feel led to share some piece of my heart, my joys, my burdens, my life, then I do. Not everything and not to just anyone, only if I feel like it's what they need to hear. I believe that god allows us to go through things in life so we can share when someone else is in need; our burden can lighten their load. My story is no different than anyone else's, its just mine and I am usually willing to share. I've learned a lot these last two years about relationship. About what it really means to me and how important I make it. I've been lied to more times than I can count and forgotten about more than I can remember. I'm not perfect, there are plenty of things I would do differently in my relationships, plenty of things I try to do better everyday. I've learned that my spouse will always be my best friend, that god always has a open ear and a closed mouth and that people really do the best they can. Honestly, hear my heart- they really, really do. So as you read this, if there is someone you are looking for an apology from, forgive them. And if you owe someone an apology, call them. 

Even through all of that, I did learn I was right, that I did need to keep a distance, to protect me heart. If you are privileged enough to know my story, my secrets, my heart - please keep them safe. And if not or maybe not yet, don't worry my husband doesn't know all of me either. Somethings are better left right where they are, in the past. Just as quickly today will become the past, what's done is done, life goes on. Find people who love you no matter what your past says about you and no matter where your future leads you. No matter where I have been and where I go I know I am home in my friends hearts.

And remember,

It is a happy chance if we changing continue to love a changed person. 

13 days...and counting.