Raising the future

Every so often there is a heated debate in one of the many parenting type groups I'm apart of on social media.

They usually revolve around things like: what to eat, vaccinations, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, ect.

They are usually heated, obviously.
We are talking about peoples kids here, right?

Today though, I had a lovely discussion with some like-minded mommas about parenting, or rather, a lack there of.

A mom expressed her dislike for expecting children to act certain way
or to do a certain thing.

I was like, preach it!

 

Do I believe sometimes in life we have to do things we don't like, yes.

Do I know there are going to be times I have to make my children sit still or be quite, obviously.

But I'm not talking about those times.

 I'm talking about all the other times.

 

And as far as I'm concerned,

those times are probably limited to a funeral
and well, I'll think of another in a minute... 

 

Something about having multiple children starts to make you question yourself
 more and more.

 I have to say, I got lucky with my first.

He was a fairly easy baby, has been verbally and physically ahead and very rarely makes me stretch myself as a parent.

 Then there was two! And two was feisty!

She's small still but she knows what she wants.

 

Honestly, it drives me crazy! 

Most of the time I find myself thinking,

just go to sleep gosh darnnit.

Or,
seriously I've told you 456 times not to touch that.

 

The best is, 

I get smacked for telling her no or taking away something she can't have.

Ahhhh! Shocker, my child hits me! 

I know what you're thinking,

I probably taught her that.

 Well you're wrong.

 I haven't spanked my children in a year.

 

You see, that's the point.

I didn't have to teach my child to express herself. 

She gets frustrated cause she wants something.

Do you blame her? I don't. 

Do I tell her that we don't hit, of course.

 But am I angry she is upset?

Absolutely not.

 

One of my all time favorite things to do is watch a child work for something they want. Especially when the parents are fighting back.

Awful of me, I know!

 

The thing is, I want my children to understand why I said no or yes.

I want to want to listen because they trust me.

And I want them to challenge me when they don't understand or agree. 

Most importantly, I want them think for themselves.

Do I make allowance to the rules when they are having a
 bad day?
Tired?
Frustrated?
Upset?
Hungry?
Of course.
Aren't you afforded those same allowances?

Children can't wake up on the wrong side of the bed?
I think so.

Here is a battle that has been won in our house recently: 

My children eat everything, like even off the ground, everything.

The last month, they won't touch a vegetable.

Not at all!

I fought them so hard the first week or so,

then I gave up!

Why? Because I'm lazy. 

Well no, but tired. 

I stopped fighting because if I ask my 2 year old if he should eat his veggies

you know what he says?

A loud and clear, yes.

So did I do my job as a parent?
I think so.

 

Now don't go worrying yet,

I know there are something's in life that we all must do,

like eat our veggies.

So I made veggie empanadas
and
I won. 

 

Parenting doesn't say,

make your children obey,

it says,

teach your children what is right.

So everyday will I continue to offer my children

guidance, support, instruction and love?

With my whole heart.

But can I be there with my 2 year old at school and force him to make good choices?

No.

 

Maybe if the world had a few more rebels

and a few less obey-ers

we would be better off. 

Maybe not?

 

But when the time comes for my children to make really hard decisions...

 

If they should take that cigarette.  

Or use drugs with their friends.

To drive or call mom after having too many drinks.

Maybe have unprotected sex or ask for better options.

Maybe its whether to tell me about a pregnancy

or get abortion

because their too scared of what I'll say.

Maybe its the choice to speed in their car.

Or of who to be friends with.

Where and how to educate themselves. 

To ask for help when life gets to be too much or find another way out

To use violence or reason. 

To travel.

To get married.

Or have children of their own.

 

You see,

I'm not parenting to teach my children to eat their veggies

 because 'I said so'.

Or, 'you just have to.'

I hope my children are never, 'just people'.

 

I'm parenting to teach my children how to make the right decision.

To know when to ask for help.

When to say, I'm sorry but I can't.

Or, thanks but no thanks.

I'm parenting my children

to have a voice that speaks up for injustice

because they were allowed to express
when my decisions for them was unjustified.

I'm parenting my children to challenge what they are told.

Question the norm.

Take risks because they know it's okay to fall and to fail.

To love even when they don't feel like it.

 

 You see,

parenting reaches far past these tough decisions we make when they are young.

You are raising the future.

 

What do you want your future to look like?

Like minded followers?

Or free thinking leaders?

 

Peace and Grace

 

  

 

 



  

Playa something

Last Sunday we went to some beach, as every beach is Playa something or another I can't remember the name of. The camera died so I couldn't capture our "survival lesson" fully. Luis caught a little fish, our friend Elkin made a fire, we cooked and ate the fish!

 

 

Some pictures to enjoy! :)

Charlottle was feeding the fish rocks to keep it alive, obviously!

 

 

Everywhere you go a futball goes too ;)

 

 

 

Mi amor. Mi vida!

Perspective

November is a month to celebrate what you are thankful for, it’s great. Really. But sometimes perspective changes and thankful doesn’t seem to be the right word.

Today, I’m thankful for being born in America. Although, I’ll never be one to say I’m proud to be “American”, I am grateful for my first world. My first world allowed me to be truly thankful for the life I have today.

A little perspective for you:

The kitchen lady where we live, she works 2 full time jobs. Like most Colombians. See they can’t go sign up for food stamps, WIC, Medicaid or god knows what else. Nelsy, is her name. She gets up Thursday through Sunday at 6am and works, yes WORKS, until 3am. You do the math. But don’t worry, Monday through Wednesday she gets 5 hours of sleep a night. Remind me again why you’re tired?

One of the security guards, Darwin, he works 6 days a week 7am to 1pm and 5pm to 7am. Do I need to help you with the math there?

And you would like to think they make decent money, so then maybe you could justify your complaints. But no, they make $12.50 US dollars a day for working one full time job. $25.000 Colombian Pesos a day is just above minimum wage. They still can’t pay their bills, own a car, a house, buy new anything and barely put enough food on the table.

Walls and roof are optional in most houses. All most all of the people living here have no running water or electric. Where do they go to the bathroom you ask? I'll spare you the details.

 

I don’t say any of this to make anyone feel bad, honestly. I just hope maybe, just maybe, my perspective might broaden yours. And maybe, the next time you want to complain about some first world problem, you will think about the rest of the world. And if your ever privileged enough to experience the third or fourth world, do it.

Oh and a little more perspective. Colombia is almost always one of the top countries for overall happiness of citizens. Check out the "Happy Planet Index" here. 

Who's got the real problems?

 

 

Happy November.

And the things I am thankful for?

The 2 children that teach me every day that life is not about me and my happiness.

The incredible husband that would do anything for me.

Being from the first world.

All of my family and friends who helped me gain a third world perspective.

Truly understanding what I can live without.

A god that provided all this and more.

You.

 

“Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring troubles of its own.”

Peace and Grace

From Dange to precshool

I haven't wrote. Because truthfully, I couldn't find much good to say. And no one wants to read about other peoples crap. Everyone has enough of their own, right? I'm happy to say there was a light. It wasn't at the end of the tunnel, I'm not sure we are out yet. More on that later!

 

As many of you already know we have been battling some illness. For us that's huge. We are honestly never, ever, ever, like EVER sick. Nico had Dange Fever from the mosquitos. It was pretty scary. Especially because he is a magnet and you can get it over and over. At the same time Charlotte and I had a bug but it didn't last long. Oh and on to top it off, my two babies are getting molars. We have had a week.

 

Businesswise we are still in a holding pattern. You will see this is becoming a trend. I knew Spanish people were late but I was pleasantly surprised to find out they are also slow. Sigh! In the mean time we are building trailers, waiting for licensing and insurance and praying really hard we don't have anymore issues. Well mostly because there is really no more money.

 

I was blessed with the opportunity to interview at a Bilingual school and sub all last week. I've always wanted to teach, so I was thrilled with the opportunity. Luis watched the kids while I went to work. Dad of the year award. I often forget how awesome he is with them because I'm with them most the time. Then I remember I don't ever have to worry. They eat, play, nap, they are dressed and happy! Oh and the laundry was done and the room was clean!

Can you say awesome?

Oh, I also joined a women's soccer league. Lets just say, women's recreational soccer in Taganga is not for the faint of heart. My whole body still hurts. Regardless, I had a blast!

 

After much consideration, we made a really hard decision. Alright, truthfully it wasn't a hard decision in the scheme of decisions but it was hard for me. Luis and I signed Nico up for school on Friday.

I cried.

 Mostly because he is my whole life. One little person changed my whole world and I would do anything for him. I watched him look around,talk to the other kids, play and I realized everyday he is growing away from me. Its a good thing, actually its a great thing. The goal of parenting is to raise confident, happy, well rounded people. I think I'm doing a good job. I know he will always need me but he has needs I can't meet. That's the other reason I cried. I want to give him everything and here, right now, I can't give him what he needs. That was hard. The place is awesome. Its an "alternative" school but we've renamed it "The Hippy School". There are kids of all ages, no structured classes. Something like un-schooling. It's perfect, an answer to prayer.

 

That is our week in review. No complaints.

Perspective changes everything, for more on that, check out the next post!

 

I've been awful about pictures, I know!

Some of these are from last week but enjoy!

 

Taganga sunset

 

Heart shaped beach for the day

 

 

 

 

Coconut farm

Naked Nico at the farm

Jelly yet? ;)

 

Peace and Grace