Raising the future

Every so often there is a heated debate in one of the many parenting type groups I'm apart of on social media.

They usually revolve around things like: what to eat, vaccinations, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, ect.

They are usually heated, obviously.
We are talking about peoples kids here, right?

Today though, I had a lovely discussion with some like-minded mommas about parenting, or rather, a lack there of.

A mom expressed her dislike for expecting children to act certain way
or to do a certain thing.

I was like, preach it!

 

Do I believe sometimes in life we have to do things we don't like, yes.

Do I know there are going to be times I have to make my children sit still or be quite, obviously.

But I'm not talking about those times.

 I'm talking about all the other times.

 

And as far as I'm concerned,

those times are probably limited to a funeral
and well, I'll think of another in a minute... 

 

Something about having multiple children starts to make you question yourself
 more and more.

 I have to say, I got lucky with my first.

He was a fairly easy baby, has been verbally and physically ahead and very rarely makes me stretch myself as a parent.

 Then there was two! And two was feisty!

She's small still but she knows what she wants.

 

Honestly, it drives me crazy! 

Most of the time I find myself thinking,

just go to sleep gosh darnnit.

Or,
seriously I've told you 456 times not to touch that.

 

The best is, 

I get smacked for telling her no or taking away something she can't have.

Ahhhh! Shocker, my child hits me! 

I know what you're thinking,

I probably taught her that.

 Well you're wrong.

 I haven't spanked my children in a year.

 

You see, that's the point.

I didn't have to teach my child to express herself. 

She gets frustrated cause she wants something.

Do you blame her? I don't. 

Do I tell her that we don't hit, of course.

 But am I angry she is upset?

Absolutely not.

 

One of my all time favorite things to do is watch a child work for something they want. Especially when the parents are fighting back.

Awful of me, I know!

 

The thing is, I want my children to understand why I said no or yes.

I want to want to listen because they trust me.

And I want them to challenge me when they don't understand or agree. 

Most importantly, I want them think for themselves.

Do I make allowance to the rules when they are having a
 bad day?
Tired?
Frustrated?
Upset?
Hungry?
Of course.
Aren't you afforded those same allowances?

Children can't wake up on the wrong side of the bed?
I think so.

Here is a battle that has been won in our house recently: 

My children eat everything, like even off the ground, everything.

The last month, they won't touch a vegetable.

Not at all!

I fought them so hard the first week or so,

then I gave up!

Why? Because I'm lazy. 

Well no, but tired. 

I stopped fighting because if I ask my 2 year old if he should eat his veggies

you know what he says?

A loud and clear, yes.

So did I do my job as a parent?
I think so.

 

Now don't go worrying yet,

I know there are something's in life that we all must do,

like eat our veggies.

So I made veggie empanadas
and
I won. 

 

Parenting doesn't say,

make your children obey,

it says,

teach your children what is right.

So everyday will I continue to offer my children

guidance, support, instruction and love?

With my whole heart.

But can I be there with my 2 year old at school and force him to make good choices?

No.

 

Maybe if the world had a few more rebels

and a few less obey-ers

we would be better off. 

Maybe not?

 

But when the time comes for my children to make really hard decisions...

 

If they should take that cigarette.  

Or use drugs with their friends.

To drive or call mom after having too many drinks.

Maybe have unprotected sex or ask for better options.

Maybe its whether to tell me about a pregnancy

or get abortion

because their too scared of what I'll say.

Maybe its the choice to speed in their car.

Or of who to be friends with.

Where and how to educate themselves. 

To ask for help when life gets to be too much or find another way out

To use violence or reason. 

To travel.

To get married.

Or have children of their own.

 

You see,

I'm not parenting to teach my children to eat their veggies

 because 'I said so'.

Or, 'you just have to.'

I hope my children are never, 'just people'.

 

I'm parenting to teach my children how to make the right decision.

To know when to ask for help.

When to say, I'm sorry but I can't.

Or, thanks but no thanks.

I'm parenting my children

to have a voice that speaks up for injustice

because they were allowed to express
when my decisions for them was unjustified.

I'm parenting my children to challenge what they are told.

Question the norm.

Take risks because they know it's okay to fall and to fail.

To love even when they don't feel like it.

 

 You see,

parenting reaches far past these tough decisions we make when they are young.

You are raising the future.

 

What do you want your future to look like?

Like minded followers?

Or free thinking leaders?

 

Peace and Grace