Doing it right

The other day my very talented best friend shared on her blog about how she had this revelation that she didn't really have it all "under control". You can read it here. It got me thinking. Especially since I am surrounded by social media groups with other "do it right" moms. Don't get me wrong, I was one too. I can still hear myself just a few months ago telling Luis how I was concerned about moving here and not having access to organic food, non-chemical household products and keeping my perfectly kept schedule. How could I possibly sacrifice my children health by eating, dare I say, conventional food? How could I put toxins on their little bodies and sleep at night?

Reading her blog made me realize how far I've come. And yes, I mean that in a good way. Most people probably wouldn't believe me if they meet me on the street but I am a Type A personality. A do it now, all the way, the right way, the first time. I always wanted to be the best or nothing less. Even failing to try new things because I might not be so good at them. I lived my life that way for a long time. And then something happened. Something terrible. I didn't know who I was, what I believed, what was good or bad, I had no happiness. I had a list of unachievable tasks and a room full of unfulfilling accomplishments. I was a beautifully miserable product of the "doing it right" world.

I've come to be a full believer that nothing in moderation kills you. I've practiced this for most my life, but recently I've mastered it. In soccer, I ran every sprint to the line even if I finished last but please don't ever expect me to show up on time. In college, I never skipped classes but I would sure copy someone's book notes so I didn't have to read yet another book about political history in the 1600's. I went out, drank too much and had too much fun but I was always up at 5:30am for work. Never missing a day no matter how tired or hung over I was. My first real job taught me that you work hard, you learn everything you can and you'll be promoted. But hey, sleeping with the boss doesn't hurt.

Forgive me for being so candid tonight, I'm tired of the facades.

 

Then I had kids and I like every new mom I had to get it right, didn't I? Now please don't get me wrong. At the same time, I refuse to salute to the "crunchy" army and lay my life down before that stranger gives my kids candy. I've accepted there are still of course certain things I wouldn't compromise on, I begin to realize I was so parenting in moderation. I'm confident to say we don't vaccinate and I'm not sorry about it. I've accepted I circumcised my son because it was important to his dad, even though I wished otherwise.  I've come to terms that I couldn't breastfeed my first baby as well or nearly as long as I would have liked but I am nursing my second into high school. (just kidding...maybe) I'm comfortable to admit my kids have consumed more sugar in the last 3 months than I did for my first 14 years of life. As well, they have tried tons of new food and eat more fruit than humanly possible. In the short 2 years and 2 months that I've been a parent I have learned moderation works for me.

Even McDonalds. There I said it: I feed my kids McDonalds. And I admit I like the fries also!

 

I look at my life today and I wonder what my 16 year old self would think of me. If my "right way, wrong way" mind could have possibly wrapped around the idea that I have a 2 year old and I've been married 3 months. 

If I would have, honestly admitting, judged me. I often wonder if my younger self would have wished never to be me? The truth is, probably. The saddest part for me is I know what I would have missed. I know what got me here and I wouldn't trade one single memory to "do it right".

I can confidently say I know what the inside of cop cars and hospitals look like. I've dated men far too old for me and it saved my life. I've woken up next to a stranger I met the night before and didn't feel bad. I've tested every authority to prove their place. I've danced in the rain with my best friend just incase I could never dance again. I took a risk on a boy and he broke my heart. I've stayed out way too late, played music way too loud, annoyed every Walmart employee and had far too many stomach aches from greasy fast food at 1am. I've dared to push every limit, every boundary, and question everything in hopes to learn something new. I have had honestly, one of the most eventful, privileged, traveled, experienced life's I have yet to meet. Does my story have some dark parts, definitely. But I would never be able to appreciate the light otherwise.

So as I sit here, reading every other Facebook post about how someone should work certain jobs, raise their kids, eat their food, be married or not be married, how to live their lives and the lists go on and on. I'm pleased to admit, as far as I'm concerned, I'm doing it right. I've got this under control. Sorry I'm not sorry for saying that. I've made a lot of sacrifices in the name of "doing it right" but happiness, that's not one I'm willing to make, not anymore. I'm confident to say, no one ever died from ice cream and coke.

Don't wait for life to pass you by or sit around waiting for something to happen. Because unlike popular belief, something will happen. Life will pass you by. This is my anthem, if it's on your bucket list, do it today! Or start it, get momentum on your side. Don't worry about "doing it right".

JUST DO IT! You won't be disappointed.

-Peace and Grace