And then it happened

I've heard it said, 'a man falls in love when he sees his child but a women falls in  love when she finds out she's pregnant'. This was not so true for Luis and I. He was excited and in love with our little person far before he was Nicolas. I on the other hand, did not feel much of anything towards the baby I was carrying.


I never doubted I would be a good mother, never. I knew what were the right things to do and I knew I would do all the right things if I ever had a child. And that was a very big if! I always imagined myself traveling all over the world, visiting museums, seeing the most breathtaking historical sites and eating all kinds of wonderful foods. I thought I would complete years of school and have some great job. You know the kind where you smile shyly when people say, oh my gosh thats so cool; buy secretly you think to yourself, yah I know. 


Nothing has really changed. And well, everything has changed. I still want to go everywhere, see and do everything. My adventures spirit has not left me just yet! I wish never to have a day go by where I feel like I missed out on something the world had to offer, not one day! 


So needless to say, I would smile politely when people remarked about how excited I must be to be expecting. Old women at work would tell me about their grandchildren with such pride in their voices. Fathers were proud to come in to get all dressed up to give their little girls away. New mothers would tell me how incredible it was to be a mom. And of course the other pregnant girl who could not be more excited to be a mom that would talk forever! You know the mom you already know your going to hate at school because she just seems so perfect, yah those girls! But again and again, I would smile. 


On the inside I wasn't smiling, I was screaming in fear! 
What is wrong with me? 
Why aren't I that excited about my child? 
Was this a really bad idea?
Will I love this baby? 


The day had arrived, labor pains! Finally! Oh on a side note, I think that birth is very likely the most beautiful thing on the plant. So although I was still afraid to actually have my child, I was so excited to take part in what I consider life's greatest miracle. And eventually, there he was. My miracle had arrived! He was so tiny and he had so much hair! I was supposed to instantly fall in love, wasn't I?   

It was about two weeks later. Luis had gone back to work and the visitors stopped, we were finally alone. Just Nico and I. I remember it like I was yesterday. 


God I hope I always remember it like it was yesterday...


I was changing and dressing him and then it happened. I feel in love! I don't know what it was or why it happened right then, but it did. Like nothing else in the whole world mattered. I sat down in the rocking chair, cried and rocked him. Thank god I wasn't broken. I waited so long to feel that way! And what seemed like a job became a calling. And all those things that I knew I had to do for my son, became all these things I wanted to do! Everyday we have adventures together. I watch him discover new things, people and sounds. I love, love, love his gummy smile! And uh, his laugh! Nothing else in the world compares. 


Do you see what just happened, 'cause I do. I became one of those girls; the ones you hate, the ones I hate. Oh how funny life is and how grateful I am I took this trip, went on this journey of motherhood. And I am so glad I don't have to wait to travel around the world to witness breathtaking beauty. It sleeps next to me!

Thanks Raquel !!