All love, all the time.

As I sit on the porch tonight, the rain crashing down and the thunder rolling more than a simple roar, I am more than imagining this night is much like the one my savior died. I am trying my best to envision the man I call my best friend beaten, bruised and broken, taking his lasts earthly breaths as he hung on the cross. For me. For you. I read the verses before the cross and I am assured Jesus was much like me...

...human. Totally human.

"...Father, let this cup pass from me."

 In my words, "Don't make me do it!".

I emephise with my best friend. I too would not want to bear this burden. I too would not want to feel the pain. I too would wonder why I was to die for humanity. 

But Jesus, he knew something I know today. How much his Father loved people. He knew, his life was not for nothing. He knew his Father’s love was overwhelming, all compassing and eternal. He knew his purpose.

I imagine Jesus at the cross, tired and broken, begged God again, silently. I imagine Jesus saw everyone watching him and said, “Father, you love them more than me?”. Then I see my God answering, “No my son, I love them far greater then you even realize.”

Honestly, I don’t know if Jesus understood what he was doing at the cross. I don’t know that he ran there with confidence. But I know my Jesus knew one thing…

…exactly how much his Father loved me and you.

I know my Jesus was willing to bear the burden of your wrongs and mine because He, more than anyone, understood his Fathers heart. His Fathers broken heart. Did Jesus do what was comfortable? What he was confident about? Did Jesus take the easy road?

 Did Jesus say, “What about me?”

Thank god he did, because that makes him human. 

Thank god he didn’t, because that makes him hope.

Jesus said, “Father, thank you, for loving these people far more than I can understand because I couldn’t do this alone. Thank you for knowing exactly what I need and when I need it. Thank you for peace far beyond my understanding. Thank you Father, for believing in people even when I couldn’t. Thank you for your love.”

In a few days, we will celebrate Easter, the risen savior. But for tonight, as the rain falls around me I imagine my Jesus being pulled down from the cross, lifeless. Dead for loving his Father in a way people didn’t yet understand. I imagine the tears my God cried as his son was buried with my name written above his tomb and suffering the pain intended for me. I imagine the pain Jesus’ mother was feeling as she watched her son die. I wonder if she understood. Did she know God so well? I’d like to think she did. I can hear her cursing him with the same breath she praised him.

You see, something happens when you know my god so well. Something far beyond logic or understanding. Something super natural. It’s not about denomination or religion. It’s not about right or wrong.

It’s totally and completely about love. 

Jesus didn’t die for me because he loved me. He died for me because he knew how much his Father loved me. He knew, without a doubt his father loved me far more than I could ever possibly understand. He died for me because he understood I would need it. Because you would need it. 

Because this world, god this world, needs it.

Not a day goes by I don’t wonder how there is God who lets his people suffer such a hell this world is. Not a day goes by I don’t wish it would all end and we would all live with God in peace. Not a day goes by my own heart isn’t broken for this world. Not one single day goes by I don’t know my God looks at this place and says…

"If you only believed me. I love you.”

Good Friday is far from good. This day, my best friend died for me. He suffered so I could understood what he did… 

his Father’s love.

Don’t give up. Give in.

 God is love.

All love, all the time.

Be the change.

-Peace and Grace